Crucial Mission- From A Survivor Of Suicide Loss

Granger would have been 32 today… Please share this message with anyone and everyone you can think of that needs to see this! -Kay Mess

Things would’ve been alright, you know.

Life could have gotten a whole lot better.

Instead you believed lies in your head

So now I write another useless letter.

I loved you fully and excessively

And you appreciated my quirky ways.

But suddenly every detail of our life

Turned into only obsessive replays.

I would’ve done literally anything

And though told you were already gone,

I ran to you as fast as I could run

Before they restrained me on the lawn.

Everything looked like a gray blur and

All I could feel was a sharp intense pain.

Finally I was able to see and touch you

That sight will forever haunt my brain.

My whole body went completely numb

and to the ground I collapsed. Then,

I felt my dad’s arms wrap around me

And soon after that I went in.

I laid on the couch right where you laid

And my soul was totally shattered.

Nothing anyone said could help me

Because to me, it no longer mattered.

Fast forward to your birthday today—

It’s your 7th one in heaven now.

I have a crucial mission to complete—

I must spread the word somehow!


You’re not reading this coincidentally.

You are meant to see this at this second

And it’s written for you specifically…

If there is ever a moment in your life

You feel you can no longer live it,

I’m begging you, as a surviving wife

Choose to live right now, don’t quit!

If the next moment is also too hard,

Then choose again just like before!

Just keep breathing… yes you can!

Your life is worth everything—and MORE!

Published by kaymessexpress

If all my suffering is meant to be used for good, then surely I’m supposed to share what I’m learning along this journey. Too much? No, just real. Authenticity is so much more attractive than all the superficial highlights we see plastered all over social media. Don’t get me wrong, I will surely share beauty, fun and tons of laughter... ...But I’ll also share the rest— the tears, the hurt, the darkest nights... because no one wants to feel alone in the dark. This journey is both broken and beautiful, terrifying and joyful, heart-breaking and life-giving. Take a walk with me. Let’s talk.

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  1. Love you Kayla. Miss granger literally every day… and I admire your strength you show today. That was a terrible day but I know one day we will see him again; and although right now I’d like to punch him first, I know the minute we see him it’ll be intense joy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sean! Love you too! I know you get it. ♥️ He loved you like crazy! And same here — *hug, punch, hug, punch, hug* is how I feel now, but I know my perspective with be perfected and man, what an amazing day that will be! For now, if I am feeling led to this mission to even help ONE person choose life, it’s worth every minute! I hope to be able to come visit you and Lane soon! And I’m so excited about everything happening in your family and ministry!


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